Starting Again

Only a couple of weeks left and I will be starting the last leg of my journey: Graduate School leading to becoming a CNM.

I have nothing but feelings of dread about school at this point. I think I should have some excitement mixed in there... But, NO... Just dread.

I registered yesterday for my first two classes at University of Cincinnati: Advanced Physiology and Biostatistics for evidenced based practice. I'm putting off buying books until I get home from Vacation at the beach.

I took out the largest loan I've had to take out yet for one year of school.

I'm just scared that I may invest this much time, energy and money into something that I am not able to follow through on... I think it's my fear that I am not deserving of my destiny... My dream to become a midwife and this is the last step that I need to complete in order to achieve it...

But, you, dear reader, are not my psychiatrist... I'm just voicing my fears... Normal as they are. They are there; along with the feeling of dread about entering back into the state of being overwhelmed with work + family + school + clinicals = Me at my limits. I do not look forward to going back into that state.

But, our family as a whole has decided this is the best thing for all of us. 2.5 years that, when over, will enrich our lives forever. I'm just going to buckle down and do my best.